Wednesday, October 30, 2013


Listen, you do not have to put up with violence in your life but you also have some responsibilities.  Evil men do not have a mark in the middle of their foreheads or wear some special ring.  But if "he changes" when he drinks or he tries to limit your life, pay attention.  If he starts blaming everybody else for the results of what he does, start thinking: I'm probably going to have to leave him.

He hits you the first time, walk away.  DON'T GO BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE BEGS, PLEADS, OR CRIES.

He stalks you, tell the police and don't let them off the hook until they make him leave.

He breaks in, call emergency services and FILE THE DAMNED CHARGES and GO TO THE DAMNED HEARING.

DO NOT lose control of your paycheck; if he is supposed to pay half the bills and he doesn't, start planning to leave; put a lock changer on speed dial; keep a pack full of clothes, IDs, money and so on where he can't get at it.  NO JOINT ANYTHING -- accounts, credit cards, car loans, apartment leases.  Put them in your name.  Let him get his own and pay for it himself.  CHECK YOUR CREDIT REPORT to make sure he isn't hijacking it.

If you go to court to get paperwork to make him let you alone, DO NOT LEAVE the court until you know how long it will take to renew the paperwork, and notify the authorities every time he violates it even in the least.  Make sure it covers phone calls and the Internet as well as physical location.

Pay attention to the calendar and do whatever is necessary to keep the paperwork in force, using the records you have left with the authorities about all the violations.

If you have an injunction against him, NEVER meet him alone, always in a crowded place during daylight.  NEVER take the children to these meetings.

Yes, I know, you're in love, he makes you feel like nobody else does, fairy tale, happy ending, yadda yadda yadda.  Just make sure yadda yadda yadda is not a cover term for "she went back to him, he killed her, the funeral is today."

Inspired by Sir Patrick Stewart's 38degrees petition tweet.  Sir Patrick grew up in an abusive household and has spent his life speaking out against violence.

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